More Christian Values

Dude, it says I can't covet his wife, aiight?, it says nothin' about me and her panties.

From Our Readers: The Murrowesque Commentary of MSNBC

Just As Good As Breaking Ground

Oh, lookie there, the new M2 site - er, page - has now displaced the Monticello Chamber page.

Song Of Soloman: That Jezebel Would Make A Fine Secret Agent, Wouldn't She?

We heartily agree with John Foreman's decision - published last week - to "rarely" respond to Letters to the Editor. Thank God. The crank calls are bad enough without having to listen to Foreman scold them for the manner in which they pant.

So, here we were today, lazily scrolling through the letters, looking for stupidity, when what should we come upon but a *genuinely funny* letter.

We're floored.

Thank you, John Soloman:

"Reading Dale Anderson's Sept. 19 letter extolling the Christian virtue of President Bush, I was reminded of one of my favorite verses from the New Testament.

I expect it is one of President Bush's favorites as well. 'But if one may strike you on the right cheek, strap him to a board and pour water down his throat. And if anyone would sue you and take your coat, chain him to a wall and threaten to kill his wife and children.'"

Related Links:
Find Foreman's Article At: http://newsgazettewatch.blogspot.com/2006/09/sunday-editorial-by-john-foreman.html

M2, Already In Urbana, Plans Monticello Expansion?

Yeah, we've driven past those signs downtown and noticed the pre-pre-pre-leasing signs. But we'd never tried to go to the site -- however, a reader tells us that the website listed is www.m2onneil.com, which takes you to the Monticello Chamber of Commerce (link in title above)

Something we should know, guys?

Now That We Think About It: Looks Like ALMOST Everyone Deserves Incentives

Yeah, how come when Burnham's being redeveloped with city incentives, the council and The Gazette seem so pissed?

Yet when the new Hilton property got incentives (see last blog entry) or when One Main was being built with - what, at least a million dollars of taxpayer money? - er, we mean, "city incentives*", the Gazette ran laudatory after laudatory article, reported on development that might happen, reported that the building was "97 percent leased and cost $17 million" when, in fact, it's not and it didn't.

The Gazette has continued the trend with the next two downtown projects - the M2 and the downtown hotel. (See links below for the definition of laudatory.)

Why isn't The Gazette asking the same tough questions to those guys? Where's the article on whether Tatman and Co. will buy that M2 lot? Isn't it behind schedule as well?

For the record, the blogs were asking (link in title above): *If I was a taxpayer in Champaign I would wonder why in [the] Hell my City Council was giving Cody Sokoloski and his lot the key to the city."

Related Articles:
Gazette Asks One Main To Go Steady

Gazette Tries For Second Base

Gazette Starts Swearing To Their God & On Their Mother's Grave That They Will Love Them To The End Of Time, THEY SWEAR, They Will Love Them 'Til The End Of Time

Tatman To Community Via Gazette: Only *I* Should Get Incentives

One would think that The Gazette might mention that Paul Tatman received tax abatements and incentives for his current project when publishing a Tatman-slanted article where he claims not to need any incentives if HE were doing the Burnham project.

Score:
Tatman PR 1
NG 0

Much like today's football score.

Nuptials: Main Street & Busey Get Busy

We hear they are writing their own vows in which Van Dukeman promises to love and respect everyone BUT David Duke, er, we mean, David Mills.
Related Posts :
The 69th Issue*: People Really Should Be Nicer To Their Tellers

Word!

Absolutely Relevant Blog Hits: The Hub Sends Warm Fuzzies To Their Ball & Chains

Oh, and the community thanks you, Hub, for your "best intentions" and "responsibility." If only you'd showed us more of that while alive.

We absolutely agree with Gamera, where's superhero Paul Young when we need him?

The Hub's awkward announcement email at link in title above. We bet that made the longtime writers like Gerard & Koplinski feel appreciated, eh?

More Totally Unrelated Blog Hits

The "sanitized, controlled and rather unhip" line had us there for a second...but, no, this wasn't about our Hub.

Digging For - What Else? - Dirt: We Hear We're Not The Only Ones Taking A Nap

We're out of flippin' town and so not gonna bother with trying to figure out more stupid Hub gossip, but we did get an email tip.

And we tried to substantiate it for five seconds with a google & blog search (sample result above).

No luck yet.

AwaY Message

The 69th Issue team's taking a nap break in the city this week. We'll be back in a few days.

Want to write next time we're away? Have something juicy that just can't wait? Send us a note at issue69@hotmail.com.

Forget WTC...WTF?!?

"It's unacceptable to think there's any kind of comparison between the behavior of the United States of America and the action of Islamic extremists who kill innocent women and children to achieve an objective," said Bush, growing animated as he spoke.

You know, he's absolutely right...(and by "right," we mean, of course, not "left.")

For Instance:
Global Research Article Detailing US Violence Toward Iraqi Women & Children

US News & World Report: That Little Bush Kid's A Little Fart

"He loves to cuss, gets a jolly when a mountain biker wipes out trying to keep up with him, and now we're learning that the first frat boy loves flatulence jokes. A top insider let that slip when explaining why President Bush is paranoid around women, always worried about his behavior. But he's still a funny, earthy guy who, for example, can't get enough of fart jokes. He's also known to cut a few for laughs, especially when greeting new young aides, but forget about getting people to gas about that."

Holy Spirit Sighting No.3: This Is Starting To Make Us A LIttle F'ing Nervous

Holy Spirit Week @ UIUC: Robert Novak's neocon ass is here talking about his conversion to Catholicism, some "minister" is holding his own 6 month old while wearing a shirt reading "ALL HOMOS GO TO HELL" and our neighbors are writing that God's busy right now with Notre Dame Football.

Makes US want to convert to an organized religion, that's for damn sure.

See full article at link in title above: "Their mobile "open-air ministries" on college campuses also take place overseas to work against "sodomy, same-sex marriage, fornication, and abortion," 'I love Jesus," Venyah said. "I love the people, too. Hate is if you don't tell people the truth.'"

Armitage Takes Fall for Bushie, Contradicts "I'm Still A Fuck But Now I'm Catholic, Too" Novak

Btw, Novak was on campus just about the time Judith Miller was being incarcerated, too. He refused to answer questions about the Plame incident. UIUC faculty involved in his visit discouraged questions about the incident.

Guess that was before you needed a PR initiative, eh Novak?

Photo via:
www.radaronline.com

Holy Spirit Sightings Double As Woman Writhes On Courtroom Floor

"Sherry Harris screamed out repeatedly, "Thank you Jesus," and rolled on the floor of Judge Tom Difanis' courtroom crying as her other children begged for her to regain her composure."*

*Bravo to Mary Schenk on the vivid writing in this piece.

Holy Spirit Senses Void, Nominates The Great JC As Next Mascot

The poor performance of the University of Illinois football team is the direct result of the Chief Illiniwek situation. With most of the local news sources reporting that this is the final year of the Chief, all of the American Indian spirits that once blessed the campus have packed up and left Champaign-Urbana. They apparently sensed that the fight to keep our honored Chief and all the traditions was over and there was no reason to stay.

Without those American Indian spirits there is no hope for success for the Fighting Illini now or in the future because our Christian God is too busy with Notre Dame football once again.

Keep up the fight to save the Chief and help lure the spirits back to campus. Do it now before the basketball season begins.

FRANK BIELSER, Monticello

Holy Spirit? Must explain Bielser's talking in tongues...

The Answer is Yes, Headline Writing IS Rocket Science

And stay tuned for next week's new student segment where we tackle: Looking For Food? Aisle Six Has Some

Wait, So We're NOT Supposed To Send Money To Nigeria?!?!? SHIT!

And, now, WICD with a breaking story this evening:

"A con artist tries to scam the Champaign County Sheriff.

Sheriff Walsh says he got two e-mails claiming he won $850,000.

It asks for personal information, something you should never give out over the internet.

But the sheriff did respond this time so he can investigate the scam.

We'll let you know what happens."

Gosh, The First Sign of Reason in Ages...

"A new poll shows that 43 percent of Illinois voters consider themselves Democrats, while 26 percent say they're Republicans. The 27 percentage point gap is the largest in the 16 years that W-G-N T-V and the Chicago Tribune have been conducting the pre-election poll."

43-26? Jeesh, sounds like it might be a bigger rout than Saturday's game.