The 69th Issue*

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodnight!

2006-11-05T18:30:00.000-08:00

Nah, "C", if we were that sure of our powers, we'd certainly stick around and bring down some more of the crap you've associated yourself with.

Calm down folks (((breathe))) -- it was never about The Hub -- it was about pointing out how bad local media outlets are at times (ok, a lot) (but understandably so) (sort of). Sadly, one of us got a job offer at one of them there media outlets, so -- after minutes of soul searching -- we decided not to put his job in jeopardy by continuing. For now.

Cross your fingers and do hope for a quick firing -- 'cuz we'll be back faster than "c" can say "Big Fish Floundering In Small Pond."

Frankly, we planned to do a media blitz and call it a "hiatus," but we're sure we'll be back before The Hub will publish again, so will you please allow us a brief nap?

With love to (most of) our Readers & dreams of a tearful reunion,
69

PS -- We'll still take your blind tips. issue69@hotmail.com.

2006-10-04T23:46:00.001-07:00

When The President Talks To God

This one goes out to John Soloman...

2006-10-04T23:46:00.000-07:00

When The President Talks To God

This one goes out to John Soloman...

More Christian Values

2006-09-29T05:33:00.000-07:00

Dude, it says I can't covet his wife, aiight?, it says nothin' about me and her panties.

From Our Readers: The Murrowesque Commentary of MSNBC

2006-09-29T05:29:00.000-07:00

Just As Good As Breaking Ground

2006-09-29T05:19:00.000-07:00

Oh, lookie there, the new M2 site - er, page - has now displaced the Monticello Chamber page.

Song Of Soloman: That Jezebel Would Make A Fine Secret Agent, Wouldn't She?

2006-09-26T12:51:00.000-07:00

We heartily agree with John Foreman's decision - published last week - to "rarely" respond to Letters to the Editor. Thank God. The crank calls are bad enough without having to listen to Foreman scold them for the manner in which they pant.

So, here we were today, lazily scrolling through the letters, looking for stupidity, when what should we come upon but a *genuinely funny* letter.

We're floored.

Thank you, John Soloman:

"Reading Dale Anderson's Sept. 19 letter extolling the Christian virtue of President Bush, I was reminded of one of my favorite verses from the New Testament.

I expect it is one of President Bush's favorites as well. 'But if one may strike you on the right cheek, strap him to a board and pour water down his throat. And if anyone would sue you and take your coat, chain him to a wall and threaten to kill his wife and children.'"

Related Links:
Find Foreman's Article At: http://newsgazettewatch.blogspot.com/2006/09/sunday-editorial-by-john-foreman.html

M2, Already In Urbana, Plans Monticello Expansion?

2006-09-26T12:28:00.000-07:00

Yeah, we've driven past those signs downtown and noticed the pre-pre-pre-leasing signs. But we'd never tried to go to the site -- however, a reader tells us that the website listed is www.m2onneil.com, which takes you to the Monticello Chamber of Commerce (link in title above)

Something we should know, guys?

Now That We Think About It: Looks Like ALMOST Everyone Deserves Incentives

2006-09-23T12:13:00.000-07:00

Yeah, how come when Burnham's being redeveloped with city incentives, the council and The Gazette seem so pissed?

Yet when the new Hilton property got incentives (see last blog entry) or when One Main was being built with - what, at least a million dollars of taxpayer money? - er, we mean, "city incentives*", the Gazette ran laudatory after laudatory article, reported on development that might happen, reported that the building was "97 percent leased and cost $17 million" when, in fact, it's not and it didn't.

The Gazette has continued the trend with the next two downtown projects - the M2 and the downtown hotel. (See links below for the definition of laudatory.)

Why isn't The Gazette asking the same tough questions to those guys? Where's the article on whether Tatman and Co. will buy that M2 lot? Isn't it behind schedule as well?

For the record, the blogs were asking (link in title above): *If I was a taxpayer in Champaign I would wonder why in [the] Hell my City Council was giving Cody Sokoloski and his lot the key to the city."

Related Articles:
Gazette Asks One Main To Go Steady

Gazette Tries For Second Base

Gazette Starts Swearing To Their God & On Their Mother's Grave That They Will Love Them To The End Of Time, THEY SWEAR, They Will Love Them 'Til The End Of Time

Tatman To Community Via Gazette: Only I Should Get Incentives

2006-09-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

One would think that The Gazette might mention that Paul Tatman received tax abatements and incentives for his current project when publishing a Tatman-slanted article where he claims not to need any incentives if HE were doing the Burnham project.

Score:
Tatman PR 1
NG 0

Much like today's football score.

Nuptials: Main Street & Busey Get Busy

2006-09-21T11:52:00.000-07:00

We hear they are writing their own vows in which Van Dukeman promises to love and respect everyone BUT David Duke, er, we mean, David Mills.
Related Posts :
The 69th Issue*: People Really Should Be Nicer To Their Tellers

Word!

2006-09-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

Absolutely Relevant Blog Hits: The Hub Sends Warm Fuzzies To Their Ball & Chains

2006-09-21T04:44:00.000-07:00

Oh, and the community thanks you, Hub, for your "best intentions" and "responsibility." If only you'd showed us more of that while alive.

We absolutely agree with Gamera, where's superhero Paul Young when we need him?

The Hub's awkward announcement email at link in title above. We bet that made the longtime writers like Gerard & Koplinski feel appreciated, eh?

More Totally Unrelated Blog Hits

2006-09-20T20:21:00.000-07:00

The "sanitized, controlled and rather unhip" line had us there for a second...but, no, this wasn't about our Hub.

Digging For - What Else? - Dirt: We Hear We're Not The Only Ones Taking A Nap

2006-09-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

We're out of flippin' town and so not gonna bother with trying to figure out more stupid Hub gossip, but we did get an email tip.

And we tried to substantiate it for five seconds with a google & blog search (sample result above).

No luck yet.

AwaY Message

2006-09-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

The 69th Issue team's taking a nap break in the city this week. We'll be back in a few days.

Want to write next time we're away? Have something juicy that just can't wait? Send us a note at issue69@hotmail.com.

Forget WTC...WTF?!?

2006-09-16T11:51:00.000-07:00

"It's unacceptable to think there's any kind of comparison between the behavior of the United States of America and the action of Islamic extremists who kill innocent women and children to achieve an objective," said Bush, growing animated as he spoke.

You know, he's absolutely right...(and by "right," we mean, of course, not "left.")

For Instance:
Global Research Article Detailing US Violence Toward Iraqi Women & Children

US News & World Report: That Little Bush Kid's A Little Fart

2006-09-16T00:42:00.000-07:00

"He loves to cuss, gets a jolly when a mountain biker wipes out trying to keep up with him, and now we're learning that the first frat boy loves flatulence jokes. A top insider let that slip when explaining why President Bush is paranoid around women, always worried about his behavior. But he's still a funny, earthy guy who, for example, can't get enough of fart jokes. He's also known to cut a few for laughs, especially when greeting new young aides, but forget about getting people to gas about that."

Holy Spirit Sighting No.3: This Is Starting To Make Us A LIttle F'ing Nervous

2006-09-15T16:35:00.000-07:00

Holy Spirit Week @ UIUC: Robert Novak's neocon ass is here talking about his conversion to Catholicism, some "minister" is holding his own 6 month old while wearing a shirt reading "ALL HOMOS GO TO HELL" and our neighbors are writing that God's busy right now with Notre Dame Football.

Makes US want to convert to an organized religion, that's for damn sure.

See full article at link in title above: "Their mobile "open-air ministries" on college campuses also take place overseas to work against "sodomy, same-sex marriage, fornication, and abortion," 'I love Jesus," Venyah said. "I love the people, too. Hate is if you don't tell people the truth.'"

Armitage Takes Fall for Bushie, Contradicts "I'm Still A Fuck But Now I'm Catholic, Too" Novak

2006-09-15T16:24:00.000-07:00

Btw, Novak was on campus just about the time Judith Miller was being incarcerated, too. He refused to answer questions about the Plame incident. UIUC faculty involved in his visit discouraged questions about the incident.

Guess that was before you needed a PR initiative, eh Novak?

Photo via:
www.radaronline.com

Holy Spirit Sightings Double As Woman Writhes On Courtroom Floor

2006-09-15T16:11:00.000-07:00

"Sherry Harris screamed out repeatedly, "Thank you Jesus," and rolled on the floor of Judge Tom Difanis' courtroom crying as her other children begged for her to regain her composure."*

*Bravo to Mary Schenk on the vivid writing in this piece.

Holy Spirit Senses Void, Nominates The Great JC As Next Mascot

2006-09-15T12:40:00.000-07:00

The poor performance of the University of Illinois football team is the direct result of the Chief Illiniwek situation. With most of the local news sources reporting that this is the final year of the Chief, all of the American Indian spirits that once blessed the campus have packed up and left Champaign-Urbana. They apparently sensed that the fight to keep our honored Chief and all the traditions was over and there was no reason to stay.

Without those American Indian spirits there is no hope for success for the Fighting Illini now or in the future because our Christian God is too busy with Notre Dame football once again.

Keep up the fight to save the Chief and help lure the spirits back to campus. Do it now before the basketball season begins.

FRANK BIELSER, Monticello

Holy Spirit? Must explain Bielser's talking in tongues...

The Answer is Yes, Headline Writing IS Rocket Science

2006-09-14T02:33:00.000-07:00

And stay tuned for next week's new student segment where we tackle: Looking For Food? Aisle Six Has Some

Wait, So We're NOT Supposed To Send Money To Nigeria?!?!? SHIT!

2006-09-14T02:27:00.000-07:00

And, now, WICD with a breaking story this evening:

"A con artist tries to scam the Champaign County Sheriff.

Sheriff Walsh says he got two e-mails claiming he won $850,000.

It asks for personal information, something you should never give out over the internet.

But the sheriff did respond this time so he can investigate the scam.

We'll let you know what happens."

Gosh, The First Sign of Reason in Ages...

2006-09-14T02:23:00.000-07:00

"A new poll shows that 43 percent of Illinois voters consider themselves Democrats, while 26 percent say they're Republicans. The 27 percentage point gap is the largest in the 16 years that W-G-N T-V and the Chicago Tribune have been conducting the pre-election poll."

43-26? Jeesh, sounds like it might be a bigger rout than Saturday's game.

Prediction: Orange Men Take Out Brown Man In OT

2006-09-14T02:16:00.000-07:00

That Bitch planned this all along, didn't she?

PS - We're regularly mortified at what makes the evening news here.

Banned Books Week: Get Out Your Lighter Fluid

2006-09-14T02:10:00.000-07:00

"...42 of 100 books recognized by the Radcliffe Publishing Course as the best novels of the 20th century have been challenged or banned..."

Thanks for the tip:
Boing Boing

Sounds About Right...

2006-09-14T02:00:00.000-07:00

Reverse graffiti confounds authorites
Paul "Moose" Curtis creates his art by erasing dirt from public surfaces. British authorities aren’t sure what to make of the artist who is creating graffiti by cleaning the grime of urban life. The Leeds City Council has been considering what to do with Moose. "I’m waiting for the kind of Monty Python court case where exhibit A is a pot of cleaning fluid and exhibit B is a pair of my old socks," he jokes.

Thanks for the tip:
Boing Boing

Headline Writing, Rocket Science?

2006-09-13T17:08:00.000-07:00

How Bad Is He?

2006-09-12T05:29:00.000-07:00

"Bush ran as a moderate, tacked right and governed ineffectually -- before 9/11. Since then he's become the most radical American president in history -- and arguably the worst."

"Editor's note: Following is the introduction to Sidney Blumenthal's new book, "How Bush Rules: Chronicles of a Radical Regime," recently published by the Princeton University Press."

Leave It To Gawker: 9-11 Wrap-Up

2006-09-11T21:03:00.000-07:00

9/11 2001

2006-09-11T06:43:00.000-07:00

Sure, you'll have seen some clips on the news and this one's a tad overdone with the bald eagle tearing up and all, but shouldn't we all be thinking about this stuff today and, for that matter, maybe a little on other days, too?

2006-09-11T06:39:00.000-07:00

Jon Stewart 9/11

We'll Still Be Fucked Up Every Saturday, Now We'll Have More to Whine About

2006-09-09T12:36:00.001-07:00

We all know Illinois fans are more loyal to their mascot (sic) than they are to the team. This ain't gonna help.

Over 6 Sold. Get Yours Now.

2006-09-09T12:24:00.000-07:00

Readers, you, too, can make your own M2Donald's sign. Follow link in title above and send us yours -- issue69@hotmail.com.

Thanks for the tip:
www.boingboing.com

Come Here, Girl. Good Girl.

2006-09-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the tip:
goldenfiddle via www.gawker.com

City to Tatman: Uh, Why Don't You Just Focus On That Crap You're Building At Neil & Kirby?

2006-09-09T07:19:00.001-07:00

Lesson 3869: In Which We Learn To Trust Our Readers

2006-09-07T09:18:00.000-07:00

No shit. The Hub really doesn't have any Nieto ads this week.

No word yet on whether they're being stocked as usual downtown. We picked our copy up on campus.

Rough being the entertainment paper of record [cough, cough] when the entertainment czar cuts you off.

Related Posts:
The 69th Issue*: Cutting Off One's Nose, v1.0: Yeah & Foreman Canceled His Subscription Over Last Week's Editor's Letter

We Got Nothin'...

2006-09-06T15:41:00.000-07:00

...Except when was the last time you said the words Molotov Cocktail?

Cutting Off One's Nose, v1.0: Yeah & Foreman Canceled His Subscription Over Last Week's Editor's Letter

2006-09-06T03:21:00.000-07:00

A little email birdie* has it that the "real reason why you couldn't find The Kitchen Sync at newsstands everywhere [is because,] apparently, the folks who own Cowboy Monkey and Guido's got irritated by the less-than-favorable reviews of their establishments in said publication and are now refusing to stock The Hub (and of course, no longer advertising with them)."

Surely this is an email from a Nieto plant?

Come on, you expect us to believe that the OWNER** of a paper is refusing to stock his paper?

Further, why are we tossing the word "stock" around as if we have newsstands here?

And --- well --- we hate to bring up the obvious, but who the fuck IS still advertising with them, then?

**

Readers, you're really going to have to help us out on this one, we don't go to Guido's more than once in a given month. Not even for snarky gossip. So, hand over the goods --- is The Hub still there?

Related Posts:The 69th Issue*: Sniffer's Nose Stuffed Up? CUz We All Know How That Can Impact Your Taste

Come Again?

2006-09-06T02:15:00.000-07:00

View Entire Post:
The 69th Issue*: When I Grow Up, Mommy, I Want To Be All I Can Be

Champaign Enacts New BBQ Ordinance

2006-09-05T20:20:00.000-07:00

The rules are very complex with loads of subsections and all, but it broils down to this:
a) Just leave BBQing to the old black men. If they aren't actually doing it themselves, they're telling someone else how, and
b) If you advertise Central Illinois BBQ Bragging Rights, try and spell* it right in the ad, ok WCIA?
*yeah, we're reticent to point out spelling errors after that last fiasco, but no, we're pretty sure "cental" is NOT french for "central."

Eating Crow v.1/6829: We Are Total & Utter Assholes And For That We Apologize To The Gazette

2006-09-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

Related Posts:
The 69th Issue*: White Men CAN Junk?

Next Up, Johnny Walker Black & Blue Promote Battered Women's Happy Hours: "Keep Walking, Girl, He Ain't Even Worth It"

2006-09-05T07:21:00.000-07:00

Forget poor taste, it's not even funny:
"Drivers heading north out of Beirut through the suburb of Jal el Dib have been greeted in recent days by a billboard for Johnnie Walker whiskey stretching across the side of a multistory building and showing a drawing of a bridge with a chunk missing."

"Farid Chehab, chief creative officer for Central and Eastern Europe and the Middle East at Leo Burnett, the agency that created the ad, said the campaign was intended to improve morale, not to make a political statement."

Thanks for the Tip:
www.gawker.com

Ameren IP Auction Starts Today

2006-09-05T07:05:00.000-07:00

Ok, we bid - um - $75 a month.

Nothing To Do Here, v2.0: It's Being Released in Manhattan, Then Oakland, Then Here. Yeah, Oakland and THEN Here. Sounds About Right.

2006-09-04T18:20:00.000-07:00

Oh, Holy Fucking Crap: We Could CRY This Is So Goddamn Absurd

2006-09-04T16:47:00.000-07:00

September 10th, Nat'l Pet Memorial Day: Bush Expected to Backpedal Further on Administration Claims That Pets' Deaths Were Tied to Saddam Hussein

2006-09-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

"Sunday, September 10, is National Pet Memorial Day, and experts at the University of Illinois College of Veterinary Medicine hope animal owners and others will take time to recognize that pets, living or past, are worth cherishing."

Nothing To Do Here?: Start A Blog (Or Twelve)

2006-09-04T08:55:00.000-07:00

Naomi for Naomi 2006!

2006-09-04T08:47:00.000-07:00

Kiyoshi's nice catch in the DI at link in title above.

Sadly, Kiyoshi shows no empathy for those of us who are daily inundated (read: spammed) with press releases from Jakobbson's office. We're not kidding you, Naomi can barely take a pee without "Naomi for Naomi" sending a blanket release.

Someone was bound to fall for it. Legal or not.

Realtors, Incensed at Coverage, Pledge Only Adequate Performance for Fortnight

2006-09-02T23:07:00.000-07:00

All Fascism, All the Time

2006-09-02T22:57:00.000-07:00

White Men CAN Junk?

2006-09-02T11:37:00.000-07:00

First off, that's not how you spell restauranteur.

Second, dude, they FOUND a crack pipe and crack ON YOU. With babies in the car. The least of your worries is whether or not the state's attorney presses charges.

Readers Help Requested: How Many Crowns Did Michelson Give This Place?

2006-09-02T00:25:00.001-07:00

And just so we can get kind of a baseline on this one, How many crowns would she give Jamm Sammich?

Related Posts:
The 69th Issue*: Cha-CHING: We Heart Streetfests Paid For By The Park District* And The City of Champaign*

And The Nomination For Deputy 69er Of The Year Goes To...

2006-09-02T00:14:00.000-07:00

The TUckmeister. Tuckster. Tuckamundo.

Sniffer's Nose Stuffed Up? CUz We All Know How That Can Impact Your Taste

2006-09-01T16:07:00.000-07:00

You know we love Seth Fein. And we agree that the Kitchen Sync outperformed a regular issue of The Hub by 169%.

REally. We, too, were pleasantly surprised.

But where the hell do you GET one?

"On newsstands everywhere." Yeah, 1) there are no proper newsstands here, 2) it ISN'T. Based on the ads last week, we went LOOKING for one and finally found one at Picadilly, but that was our SEVENTH stop. None at Cowboy Monkey, Guido's, Boltinis -- Nope.

69's view on The Kitchen Sync? It is surprisingly good, relative to a regular issue of THe Hub.

But not good enough to chase all over town looking for one.

And not good enough to last a full year on newsstands. Wherever those are.

Urbana's Aquatic Center Still Fucked Up: Champaign's Sholem Family Claiming Responsibility For Attacks

2006-09-01T15:57:00.000-07:00

Urbana`s Aquatic Center won`t open anytime soon.
The Park District says it`ll be at least the end of October before it could reopen again.
A small fire in July closed the building which is next to the middle school.
The Park District says the fire damaged its heating and cooling system.

Ummm...let's see, Sholem Aquatic Center opened in July and has wildly exceeded its projected revenue this season -- and juuust about that saaaaame time, someone set fire to Urbana's Aquatic Center.

Shocking News from All Over the Country Tonight

2006-08-31T20:47:00.000-07:00

When I Grow Up, Mommy, I Want To Be All I Can Be

2006-08-31T15:58:00.000-07:00

Carrie Busey elementary school kicks off the first day of the school year by allowing a uniformed army colonel to tell their kids, "we're fighting a war on terrorism because of people who are intolerant of others' beliefs."

Uh, yeah, and the photo above? It's from the Google ad that ran on the Gazette's banner next to this letter to the editor.

State Employees Flunk Ethics. Consolation Prize? CDL's

2006-08-31T15:51:00.000-07:00

ETHICS TEST FLUNKED

Thousands of state employees flunk an ethics exam.

The Governor's Inspector General says it's because many finished it too fast.

The exam was 80 pages long, but some workers spent less than 10 minutes on it.

It should take at least a half hour.

More than 5,000 state workers now have to take it again.

A union representing 70% of the workers said they're being punished - unfairly.

Applebee's Employee Receives $10K Tip, Confusedly Blows Entire Wad On Flare

2006-08-31T15:44:00.000-07:00

13 Prostitutes Arrested: Amazingly, None of Them Realtors

2006-08-31T15:41:00.000-07:00

So WHAT We Don't Have Boulders Or Ridges...

2006-08-31T12:39:00.000-07:00

We still have clouds.

Pssst...Maybe There's A Reason It's Not In The Gazette?: Because It's Property of The NYT

2006-08-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

If you're still harboring the notion that the economy is "good," prepare to be disabused.

Even the best number from yesterday's Census Bureau report for 2005 is bad news for most Americans. It shows that median income rose 1.1 percent last year, to $46,326, the first increase since it peaked in 1999. But the entire increase is attributable to the 23 million households headed by someone over age 65. So the gain is likely from investment income and Social Security, not wages and salaries.

For the other 91 million households, the median dropped, by half a percent, or $275. Incomes for the under-65 crowd were hurt by a decline in wages and salaries among full-time working men for the second year in a row, and among full-time working women for the third straight year. In all, median income for the under-65 group was $2,000 lower in 2005 than in 2001, when the last recession bottomed out.

Despite the Bush-era expansion, the number of Americans living in poverty in 2005 — 37 million — was the same as in 2004. This is the first time the number has not risen since 2000. But the share of the population now in poverty — 12.6 percent — is still higher than at the trough of the last recession, when it was 11.7 percent. And among the poor, 43 percent were living below half the poverty line in 2005 — $7,800 for a family of three. That's the highest percentage of people in "deep poverty" since the government started keeping track of those numbers in 1975.

As for the uninsured, their ranks grew in 2005 by 1.3 million people, to a record 46.6 million, or 15.9 percent. That's also worse than the recession year 2001, reflecting the rising costs of health coverage and a dearth of initiatives to help families and companies cope with the burden. For the first time since 1998, the percentage of uninsured children increased in 2005.

The Census findings are yet another indication that growth alone is not the answer to the economic and social ills of poverty, income inequality and lack of insurance. Economic growth was strong in 2005, and productivity growth was impressive. What have been missing are government policies that help to ensure that the benefits of growth are broadly shared — like strong support for public education, a progressive income tax, affordable health care, a higher minimum wage and other labor protections.

President Bush is unlikely to push for those changes, wed as he is to tax cuts that mainly benefit the wealthy. But the economic agenda for the next president couldn't be clearer.

Funny, It's The First Time We've Really Ever Related To ANYTHING That Guy Said

2006-08-30T13:06:00.000-07:00

The NG Watch Watch

2006-08-30T10:18:00.000-07:00

Bruno, Rosales, Dodds: Yeah, Beeotch, Don't MAKE Us Whup That Ass

2006-08-29T20:06:00.000-07:00

WAND's Facts: Surely A Bit Bloated?

2006-08-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

"A report released Tuesday by Trust for America's Health concludes that 23-point-nine percent of Illinoisans are obese. And more than 60 percent of Illinoisans are either obese or overweight."

Um, what's that again? So, TOTAL number of fat people is what exactly?

And, for the record, ewwwwwww.

Time For Change, Unless You Live In A Little 17th Century Village*

2006-08-29T19:37:00.000-07:00

At least everyone agrees: 'All news breaks online anyway,' said Richard Stengel, the managing editor of Time magazine.

'The Web is the greatest tool for getting information in human history,' Mr. Stengel said. 'If you're interested in breaking news, you're going to go there. When you lived in a little village in the 17th century, there was no place to go for breaking news. You'd hear drums banging and find out something was going on.'

*Oh, $*%^$, we DO, don't we?

But What Will WE Write About, Then?

2006-08-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

Excerpts: "Advertising is following readers out of the door. Rupert Murdoch once described them as the industry's rivers of gold -- but, as he said last year, 'Sometimes rivers dry up.'

Newspapers have not yet started to shut down in large numbers, but it is only a matter of time. Over the next few decades half the rich world's general papers may fold. Jobs are already disappearing...[and] tumbling shares of listed newspaper firms have prompted fury from investors."

When We Grow Up, We Want To Be Gawker

2006-08-29T19:12:00.000-07:00

SWC Reopens Major Artery, CPD Plans To Follow*

2006-08-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

*But only if you happen to be holding a squirt gun.

Related Posts:
The 69th Issue*: Champaign Police Shoot Man Holding BB Gun: It Was Dark, We Didn't Know He Was White

Alternate Headline, v1.0

2006-08-28T06:03:00.000-07:00

Champaign Police Shoot Turnberry Ridge Man, Local Leaders Open Front Doors, Yell Condolences Across Street

Related Links:
The 69th Issue*: Champaign Police Shoot Man With BB Gun: It Was Dark, We Didn't Know He Was White
The 69th Issue*: If You Look Really Closely, You Can See The Boulder Just Over the Ridge
The 69th Issue*: I'm SO Out-of-The-Box. Or Whatever It Is I'm Supposed to BE.
The 69th Issue*: Liberty on The Lake, Where Americanism Reigns Supreme

Champaign Police Shoot Man Holding BB Gun: It Was Dark, We Didn't Know He Was White

2006-08-28T05:40:00.000-07:00

Oh, good morning, please know that we are, at this point, presuming whiteness in this case.

Because, you know, Crail Road's out there in Whitesville --- in --- what's the name of that place again? --- ah, yes, Turnberry Ridge.

You'll notice it was assigned a special investigative task force immediately because -- look -- we don't let shit like this go down within shooting range of Countryside School.

Here's an idea --- maybe they should sequester themselves over there and form their own Police district. They could save on taxes that way.

Related Links:
The 69th Issue*: If You Look Really Closely, You Can See The Boulder Just Over the Ridge
The 69th Issue*: I'm SO Out-of-The-Box. Or Whatever It Is I'm Supposed to BE.
The 69th Issue*: Liberty on The Lake, Where Americanism Reigns Supreme

Acton A Bit Like Gordon

2006-08-28T05:30:00.000-07:00

We 69ers got in another fight about whether or not to post this. But it seems like the whole damn chief debate falls along this line of People Who've Grown Accustomed vs. People Who Can't Believe This Exists.

And some of our Grad School friends have never seen it. And how can a person understand the debate if they don't see it?

New to town? To pre-answer some of your questions, yes, that's The Chief. Yes, this happens at every home fotball and basketball game. Yes, this is a debate that has embroiled the local community for years, with most of the locals still arguing to keep The Chief, as an "honor" to "indians."

Alma Mater lyrics (what they are singing at the end) after the jump.

Related Links:
The 69th Issue*: GBS & DI: If You Cannot Get Rid of the Family Skeleton, You May as Well Make it Dance
The 69th Issue*: OH MY GOSH, Kevin Scheoning From The Ever Diverse Thomasboro, IL Might Be RIGHT!
The 69th Issue*: How The Hell'd We Miss THAT, v1.0: The Chief

Hail to the Orange, Hail to the Blue,
Hail Alma Mater,
Ever so true (so true).
We love no other, so let our motto be
Victory, Illinois, Varsity!

GBS & DI: If You Cannot Get Rid of the Family Skeleton, You May as Well Make it Dance

2006-08-28T04:18:00.000-07:00

(Article Link in Title Above)

Mold, Code for "Porn"?

2006-08-27T22:54:00.000-07:00

And speaking of things that seem to grow overnight, what is happening with the downtown CHampaign hotel? Now that we've seen what the inside of a Homewood Suites looks like AND know they chose to retain the 4% of the old building that is mold-ridden, the other options seem a little more quickly necessary.

That is, if we are to allow the inlaws to ever visit again.

So yeah, on second thought, don't hurry on our account.

Related Posts:
The 69th Issue*: New Area Hotels, Funded With Porn Money*?
The 69th Issue*: Gazette: Construction Update

Bacaro & Esquire: Together, L'arte Della Magia

2006-08-27T13:45:00.000-07:00

It's funny. We can't understand a damn word this guy is saying, but still he picked our downtown Champaign favorites. Ah, how sweet, the universal language of decent food & humanbeingdom.

Oh, yes, we would love a translation if someone would be so kind.

If You Look Really Closely, You Can See The Boulder Just Over the Ridge

2006-08-27T13:31:00.000-07:00

WAND Employs Manilow Method, It Works

2006-08-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

With entertainment headlines like these, it's a real surprise that young people have lost interest in local programming, no?

Related Posts:
The 69th Issue*: Reader Neologisms, v1.0: Manilow Method

NG Watch: What Gets Printed, What Doesn't

2006-08-27T07:52:00.000-07:00

Those folks over at News-Gazette Watchhave Frank Rich's latest. Follow link in title above.

Nothin' To Do Here, v.1.0: Little Miss Sunshine

2006-08-26T15:55:00.000-07:00

Yeah, everybody says there's nothin' to do here, but then they no show for the good stuff. Here's an idea: Little Miss Sunshine at Boardman's Art Theatre. Wordplay's next. www.boardmansarttheatre.com

I'm SO Out-of-The-Box. Or Whatever It Is I'm Supposed to BE.

2006-08-26T07:34:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder where the people live who bring you your news, education & "communty development" every day?

That's right, Pleasantville.

WE think someone should do their thesis on this. For real. Over here at University, we hear our professors profess independent thought -- and then, what?, drive home to their row house in Mahomet?

And our Downtowners preach Creative Class, but where do they live? SURVEY SAYS, probably Ashland Heights or Mayberry Hill.

Only the Gazette could use the word "health" to describe this growth.

Related Posts:
The 69th Issue*: Liberty on The Lake, Where Americanism Reigns Supreme

We Bet Dowd Would Love 69

2006-08-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

From The Grey Lady via our friends at The NG Watch, comes the article at title link above.

Oh, and this picture:

From The Wives, v1.0

2006-08-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

Aw, fuck, one of our wives just sent this link.

One empassioned 69ers plea: Seriously, sweetheart, Forbes is full of CRAP. Do not, repeat DO NOT, quit your job. I love you like you are. Employed. I promise to listen to you rant indefinitely about the stupidity of Forbes if you simply promise to KEEP YOUR CAREER.

We'll just let you read the Gawker version --- we won't do any better than that --- link in title above.

OH MY GOSH, Kevin Scheoning From The Ever Diverse Thomasboro, IL Might Be RIGHT!

2006-08-24T05:41:00.000-07:00

We checked into the minority trafffic rate stops in both Urbana AND Champaign for "American Indians" and there were none. NONE.

Pass the salt & pepper, we think we've got an answer here, folks.

Related Links:
The 69th Issue*: How The Hell'd We Miss THAT, v1.0: The Chief
The 69th Issue*: Two Recent Gazette Headlines

How The Hell'd We Miss THAT, v1.0: The Chief

2006-08-24T05:28:00.000-07:00

Yep, and this 69er grew up on the South Side, so to keep the negative stereotypes at bay, I still use these Aunt Jemimammy salt & pepper shakers every day.

See, what you PC folks don't realize is that otherwise I could go whole DAYS without interacting with a real negro, so this really helps me remember the HONOR that i feel toward these proud people and their rich heritage.
(Full letter in title link above -- You really may want to read this one, if only to understand the lengths to which we, as a people, are willing to go in order to give race issues a place in our lives. Dude, all of us seriously almost ALWAYS stay in and watch the chief -- oops -- The Chief dance, like almost every GAME.)

Well, Hell Yeah, Who Doesn't Want A Hummer?

2006-08-23T07:37:00.000-07:00

Oh, ewww. We thought you meant the other kind.

Sorta Proudly Representing. What's The Gang Sign For That Again?

2006-08-23T06:58:00.000-07:00

And those of you unable to meet with Mr. Johnson's aid at one of these locations, may call Mr. Johnson's Aid's Assistant's Secretary, to speak with it (actually an answering machine) about issues of concern in the district.

On the other hand, we're having coffee with Dr. Gill himself this week.

Thanks for the Tip:
www.wcia.com

Urbana Updates Growth Plan, Now 4 Pages In Length

2006-08-23T06:54:00.000-07:00

"Urbana City Council is also expected to update its plan for the city's growth. The comprehensive plan outlines how the city will grow as it expands. Council members say it helps everyone in the city understand one clear vision of Urbana's growth.

This will be the first update to the city's new plan."

Thanks for the Tip:
www.wicd15.com

New Area Hotels, Funded With Porn Money*?

2006-08-23T06:20:00.000-07:00

"A coalition of 13 conservative groups -- including the Family Research Council and Concerned Women for America -- took out full-page ads in some editions of USA Today earlier this month urging the Justice Department and FBI to investigate whether some of the pay-per-view movies widely available in hotels violate federal and state obscenity laws.

The coalition also is trying to draw attention to CleanHotels.com, a directory of hotels and motels nationwide that pledge to exclude adult offerings from their in-room entertainment service." (Follow title link for full story)

Ah yes, well, the coalition will have to be successful, they took out the ads in USA Today, for godssake. Isn't this that comic book they use to brief GWB on world events every day?

Well, anyway, another initiative for the local Councils to consider, after we initiate the smoking ban.

Thanks for the tip:
www.gawker.com

*"In-room movies are a revenue stream," he said. "This is a business matter." said a Marriott spokesperson, so we're betting the answer, in part, will be yes.

Literary Hot or Not

2006-08-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

See, it's like the argument about Ward Gollings -- or maybe not --- but is it fair to hold our literati to the Britney Standard?

NY/NZ does it anyway. (Link in title above)

Thanks for the tip:
www.gawker.com

Oh My Gosh, It's STILL A Slow News Day, Biff!

2006-08-22T20:18:00.000-07:00

"Oh my gosh, we can't stop looking at her," said Doris Mitchell, 68, who has her 6-year-old mix breed at home with her now.

"'I screamed 'Oh My Gosh that's Abby!' she said."

Maybe We Spoke Too Soon

2006-08-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

Unless, Of Course, The Deep Cuts Are Whipmarks

2006-08-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

Hard porn during Swedish news show
Last night, as responsible late night TV viewers in Sweden were watching an informative presentation of the latest political poll numbers on the country’s public service SVT station, hard core group sex could be seen playing on one of the numerous video screens over the presenter's shoulder.

Uh, can you say "Publicity Stunt"?

How about "Ratings Boost"?

Related Posts:
The 69th Issue*: We Can't Afford Deep Cuts, Can We?

We Can't Afford Deep Cuts, Can We?

2006-08-22T07:43:00.000-07:00

Newspapers Trim Work Forces as Advertising Slows (Reuters)
The summer of 2006 has brought a rash of notices of job buyouts and layoffs at U.S. newspapers, and experts say more nips and tucks will come as advertising dollars dry up and more readers cancel their subscriptions. Nearly all the recent announcements promise pinpoint reductions rather than deep cuts. (Story continued in link in title above, as always.)

Whew. If we owned a newspaper, we'd be getting NER-vous. Even the Grey Lady's in trouble, for goddsake. The WSJ added ADS - ADS - on their front page.

But The Gazette's safe, right? It's in a trust or something?

Because we know what happens when outsiders buy our local media outlets, don't we WCIA? CHANGE.

And we hate CHANGE.

We want Marta & Jerry [tantrum] and we want them for-EVER. We'd just about gotten used to that Judy girl after all that Mr. Roberts change-up and if you think we're gonna forget about Marta & Jerry any sooner than THAT, you're wrong, Mr. Nextar Broadcasting.

Sometimes It SEEMS Like a Cartoon: Council Members Poll

2006-08-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

Turner Broadcasting Cutting Smoking Scenes in More Than 1,500 Classic Cartoons (AOL):
The move is in response to a British Media regulator's bulletin stating that a viewer had complained about two smoking scenes on Tom and Jerry. In one of the two, "Texas Tom," the hapless cat Tom tries to impress a feline female by rolling a cigarette, lighting it and smoking it with one hand.

We don't know if they read 69, but we know the councilmembers in Urbana & Champaign, as well as County Board, are all at least aware we exist, because we emailed them all when we launched.

In the wake of the smoking bans having passed, we wondered if they'd share their opinions on this little piece of news.

Comments below. Readers, you may have to get us started...

We Thought We Could Drop It, But REALLY

2006-08-21T22:08:00.000-07:00

"I ran across an announcement for this event today : 'Breaking Down the Walls: The First Annual Champaign Urbana Prison Arts Festival.'

My liberal/socialist nature flies out the window when it comes to convicted criminals. That happens sometimes, when one has been the victim of a violent crime. (16 years ago today, as a matter of fact.)

So I'm not really glad, and I can't even say sarcastically that I am, that criminals are relaxing in prison while doing artwork and writing poetry. Nor would I go to see their artwork or listen to their poetry."

So, as we were saying in yesterday's lesson, kids, newspapers cannot simply appropriate the language and style of new media and expect that people will give a crap.

Because we won't.

This lady isn't even fun to make fun of. And, apparently, The Gazette disclaims ever knowing her.
Smart move.

Really, Because We Thought That Was Moronic, Not Ironic

2006-08-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

Reader Neologisms, v1.0: Manilow Method

2006-08-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

First, from a reader: "Better yet, roll your fat asses back out to Lincolnshire and crank up your Barry Manilow 45's."

And then we stumbled on THIS:
Explains a LOT, don't it?

Related Posts:
The 69th Issue*: Cha-CHING: We Heart Streetfests Paid For By The Park District* And The City of Champaign*